I was thinking today that even as I get older, it doesn't get any easier to do those life chores that fall under the heading of "For My Own Good". I suppose I imagined that at some point, I would want to do those tasks that will leave me better off. Thought the consequences are more apparent to me now than they might have been when I was younger, I still have moments when I want to kick my heels on the floor and flat out refuse to do whatever it is that I must get done. I hate flossing my teeth when I really just want to fall face first into the pillow. I detest writing that big check for the mortgage every month, even though someday I will be very grateful to own my house outright. I never want to exercise, and eating right has never been my forte.
The only difference now is that I'm finally doing them for me and not for the fact that it will please someone else when I do them. I once only flossed because I dreaded the dentist's admonishment. I only paid the bills because I dreaded the phone ringing with bill collector's threatening to garnish paychecks. I exercise because I really do feel better. While I don't eat well on any given day, I realize the only person who really suffers because of it is me. At the end of the day, no one else cares whether I ate pita chips or potato chips, grapes or M&Ms. The motivation for doing what is right continues to change from external to internal as I grow.
I only thought about this today because I was subbing second grade and I was thinking about how external motivation is for young elementary students. It's all about recess, stickers and earning points. Then, as they edge up in grade level, the rewards move from tangible to internal, until either they do it for the right reasons or they don't and suffer the consequences.
I almost always did the next right thing, but not always for the right reasons. I learned early on that good behavior and hard work delighted adults, and I craved their approval. I wanted that gold star on my paper, but even more I wanted to stand out to my teachers. Teachers were equivalent to gods in my world, and their praise meant more to me than any sticker or red A+. Sometimes I wanted to be as naughty as the next kid, but more than that I wanted my teachers' good graces. I wanted to have the sample A paper. I wanted to do it right the first time. I wanted to hear praise for good listening, good behavior and good citizenship.
Like any kid, I wanted attention, but not just any attention. I wanted positive attention, and I learned early out how to get it. I remember studying altruism in my college ethics course, and considering whether or not people can take actions purely out of the concern for the welfare of others. I remember being perplexed by the concept then, and I still am. Though I still strive to do the next right thing, it's a little less selfish and a little more altruistic. A piece of me still does it because it feels good, though. I'm not sure anyone can do something completely selflessly, but then again, I haven't studied much about motivation and the forces that move us to do things. I have studied intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and how that is used in education and the classroom.
The beauty of childhood is, we get to assume that as soon as we grow up and move out on our own, we don't have to do anything we don't want to do anymore. The harsh reality of adulthood is, there's a whole lot of activities that have to be done merely "for our own good". I'm assuming that no matter how old (or, as I prefer to think of it, seasoned) I get, I will always have to do some tasks simply because it's for my own good, or for the good of another, and not because I actually want to do it. The lesson is that it's okay not to want to do it, but to do it anyways. Doing the next right thing doesn't mean doing what feels like the next right thing. Rather, it means having the courage, the strength, the gumption, to do what needs to be and should be done.
Not really a fun lesson to learn, but a necessary one.
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