And They Called It Puppy Love....

When I was a kid I grew up on farms and ranches a large part of the time, and therefore I almost always had pets in a wide range of types and sizes.  I had piglets, cats, calves, lambs, chickens, turkeys, geese, sheep, rabbits and dogs.  It was fun to have so many unique pets that other kids never get the chance to raise.  But it also came with a hard lesson that ranch kids quickly learn - the pets often die.  Whether it be natural causes, accidents, or run-ins with vehicles, ranch life is not easy for family pets.  

For most of my twenties I haven't wanted pets.  I felt detached from family pets that my parents now have.  I closed off my heart to most of the animals I knew of.  Over the past couple of years since I got married and settled into a fairly quiet life, I acquired two oddball pets.  The first is our hedgehog Spike, which I got a little over a year ago from a breeder in Loveland, CO.  I first fell in love with hedgehogs when Kyle and I were dating.  I had come to visit one weekend and he left an adorable stuffed hedgehog on the coffee table inside the front door to greet me when I arrived.  When squeezed, it made a sweet noise.  Since then we've been collecting them. 

Spike has been very, very grumpy since we bought him.  Although bred to be sociable, our little Spike is not at all social.  But he's fun, he has personality, and I still adore him.  

Our froggy, Petrie, I received from the Kindergarten teacher where I worked last year.  They had raise him from tadpoles, and when school ended I took him home.  He has an amazing personality and loves to be stroked and fed blood worms, and he always makes me laugh.  

Kyle is gone quite often for his job, and since I am not working at present, I get a bit lonely at times.  My doctor, because of the depression I have as part of bipolar disorder, has encouraged us to get a dog or cat for quite some time, but we kept putting it off.  I wasn't sure I wanted to care for another animal. Mostly, I didn't want my heart to get hurt again.  I have gotten really good about shutting off my heart and the attached emotions.  One of the crummiest aspects of depression is that a person isn't always depressed.  Sometimes, a person has no feelings at all about experiences.  And that is almost worse than always being depressed.  It's a sort of numbness one experiences, and nothing seems really bad, but nothing seems really good, either.  The hardest part for me, is that it had been sooooo long since I actually felt excited about something.  Of course I look forward to experiences, and I do enjoy life at times, but never to that level of sheer exhilaration that we should sometimes feel as part of our human experience. 

Late last week, though, I saw a chihuahua that was so darn adorable I couldn't stop thinking about him.  I couldn't believe how much I wanted him.  I was very disappointed that he was so unaffordable.  I tried to understand what was compelling me to desire this little dog so much.  Why was my icy heart suddenly beginning to thaw?   



I began to research chihuahua breeders in our area, as well as the surrounding shelters, hoping one would be available for adoption.  I much preferred to rescue one that needed a good home.  None were available at the shelters, but I did find a fantastic woman who has a chihuahua ranch.  I found chihuahuas that were healthy, well cared for, and more affordable than the original chihuahua I saw (however, I am still in denial that I actually spent this much money on a DOG).   

I ambushed Kyle when he got home.  I was so nervous about asking if he wanted to go look at some the next day.  But he was good with the idea - as always, he is content if I am content.  I was so excited throughout the next day.  I literally felt like a six year old waiting for Santa.  I cannot remember when I felt such excitement before.  I do not remember looking so forward to something in YEARS.  Finally, that evening we looked at the larger chihuahuas first, and the long coats.  I knew I wanted as small a dog as possible, and I wanted less hair so there would be less shedding.  We found one we liked, but it wasn't quite what I had in my mind as to exactly what I wanted.  In my mind's eye, I saw a tiny little fawn colored chihuahua with big ears.  She told us she had three tiny teacups downstairs, so we went to see them. 

Well, my heart was overtaken within the first 1.5 seconds of meeting them.  Two little girls and their brother ran around us in circles and played tug of war with their mother, and they were the most adorable little creatures I have ever seen.  They had such energy.  I was amazed at how fast they ran and the way they played so happily with their mom.   I would not have been able to pick just one.  I wanted all three!  Fortunately, the males are cheaper, and there was only one male, so that is how we decided which one to get.  


Oh, he is perfect.  I got up yesterday morning and I was simply delighted to be met with such an eager, loving and grateful puppy face.  He was just so excited to see me.  No judgment, no dismay.  Just pure puppy bliss because his owner had showed up to play.  How could I not feel amazingly loved and important with this anxious little body jumping up and down in his excitement?  Yes, I thought.  My heart is thawing. 

My doctor was right - a puppy can change your life.  And it doesn't take weeks or months.  It literally takes seconds when I open up my heart and allow such amazing experiences to reside there.  


I hope this is just a beginning for all the possibility of love and acceptance in my life.  I am so grateful to be able to feel this experience.  I am so grateful for a loving husband whose only wish is to see me content.  I am so grateful for this little Pip.  Mostly I am just grateful that life has a way of showing me that seemingly little pleasures are actually life changing.  If I can stick around long enough and be patient, beautiful gifts are in store.