The Stigma of Depression...

I've often imagined what it would be like if I had to sit down and tell my family that I had some serious condition such as cancer or a heart ailment.  I picture an outpouring of concern, lots of hugs and supportive pats on the shoulder or back.  Much sympathy is conveyed in their expressions and everyone wants to know what they can do to help.  Friends and neighbors stop by with casseroles or a bucket of chicken so I don't have to cook while I receive treatment.  I get regular calls to see how things are going and whether I need anything.  

Then I imagine what it is like to sit down and tell my family I have depression.  Suddenly no one knows what to say.  Some shift uncomfortably in their seats and can't make eye contact with me.  The few comments made are suggestions to "buck up", "get some tougher skin" or "pull yourself together."  Before long conversation turns to other subjects and I'm left alone with my thoughts.  It isn't brought up again.  

This isn't necessarily exactly what I've gone through with my own depression, but I can certainly relate to it in many ways.  No one knows how to react to the news that a close friend or family member has depression, but in reality, those of us who struggle with it would love the same sort of response that would be given if we revealed any other health impairment.  Depression is not much different than having cancer, heart disease, or any other condition.  But rather than feeling embraced and supported, many depressed persons feel abandoned, alienated and alone. 


For as many commercials as I see daily promising to change my life if I take the newest, latest and greatest medication, I would think that the stigma of depression would be going away.  It would seem that the entire world is depressed for as many antidepressant commercials I see in a day.  Yet, I don't see or feel that stigma around mental illnesses is going away.  In fact, I often feel that I am Hester Prin, wearing some red badge of shame on my chest if I disclose my illness.  And I hate that word, "disclose".  As if I have some deep dark secret I am sharing.  

The truth is, though, that people with mental health conditions have to make a decision about who and when to tell others that they have depression or another illness.  Some people are incredibly understanding and supportive, while others can be very critical.  I have had people tell me I am not the "same person" when I am taking antidepressants.  That hurts!  And it is untrue.  Antidepressants don't change personality, people!  This is what I want to scream.  I would argue that when I take antidepressants, I am more myself than I am the rest of the time.  


I rarely "disclose" my illness to employers or coworkers anymore, because it has generally been a bad experience for me.  With friends and acquaintances, I wait until I've known them awhile or am comfortable that I won't be judged by the news.  


The truth about depression is that it is like any other illness.  Friends and family who are told the news that a loved one is depressed should respond to the news the way they would respond to any other health impairment.  Employers should respond to the news the way they would respond to news of any other health impairment and do what they can to make the work environment accommodate the special needs one may (or may not) have.  


I have been very private about my own struggle with depression and bipolar disorder, but over the past few months I have realized that I am doing a disservice to others who have depression by hiding it and carrying like a big, dark secret.  Only through disclosure and our relating our experiences can we begin to diminish the stigma against mental health conditions.  Sharing my own experiences is a really hard step for me, but I started this blog with the purpose of being my authentic self, warts and all.  And although I am extremely critical of myself and my depression, I hope to contribute my own experiences to the bulk of knowledge about depression so that stigma may be reduced gradually and eventually completely.  But I know it takes baby steps. 


One positive influence on me has been celebrity Glenn Close.  In a recent Oprah magazine, Glenn Close discussed her sister's bipolar disorder and how the family had held it as a secret for years.  She was basically "coming out" about having a family member with mental illness.  I was proud and saddened at the same time.  I was proud that someone was stepping out in the light on the issue, but also saddened that it is so terrifying for some people to do so. 


I just want people who don't struggle with depression to know that it's okay to talk about it.  In one of my favorite movies, Terms of Endearment, Debra Winger gets extremely upset after dining with some of her friend's snobby friends who treat her weird because she has cancer.  Winger, in frustration, exclaims to her friend, "Tell 'em it's okay to talk about the cancer!"  I know exactly how she feels.  Depression is like the elephant in the room that everyone is affected by, no one can stop thinking about, yet no one will talk about.  I want people to know that it's okay to talk about the depression!  And if you don't know what to do for a loved one who is experiencing it, Ask!  Bring a casserole.  Call just to check in.  Do the same things for them that you would do for any of your loved ones who are sick.  

It is my hope that soon mental illnesses will be treated like any illness, but I know it has a long road to go.  This is my start to contributing to that transformation.