If someone saw my Facebook rant or my "relike if you support Jesus/soldiers/veganism/AA/Chihuahuas for a Better America/etc etc etc" and had a life changing experience I'd be highly surprised. And if anyone went to the polls and let a "Like if you love M&Ms for World Peace" sway their voting choices - well, maybe they shouldn't be voting.
I figure, if I want to change the world and open people's eyes to a wider understanding of it, I have a lot more work cut out for me than simply a blog post or Facebook update. With youth often comes the passion of beliefs, and when I was younger I would zealously defend mine to anyone who cared to listen. I remember have great debates with my father on issues that were important to both of us, and wondering how he could be so close minded on some and so accepting about others. But I loved that he cared what I thought enough to argue it with me. The interaction is what mattered - not that we agreed.
Then wisdom and age crept in and I realized my dad was "everyman". We all have our biases and areas where we're open to new thoughts and reflection on our own, and others where we draw the line and righteously defend our right to remain exactly where we're at on the issue. I am not any different than my father in this respect - we just draw the line at different places. Maybe that will change at some point, and maybe it won't, but in my experience, those issues that are hot button ones for us are the very ones that are likely to shut us down to new information and ideas and allow us to be more open minded on an issue. This is an observation - not a judgement.
As the world has more and more outlets for individualized expression through the media - YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, memoirs, talk shows - there is less and less privacy and discretion. I see more confrontation and disrespect for others, their right to believe what they believe and their right to be as public or private about the information.
In this past couple of weeks a couple of incidences have caught my attention on the matter of privacy and respect. First, it was the storyline that Tom Cruise is getting a divorce. I am not a Tom Cruise fan. I am not of the mindset that Scientology, his church of choice, makes for a healthy and positive lifestyle. I dislike his tirade against psychology, and feel that his opinions would go down a little easier if he was less abrasive. But none of those things makes him a bad person.
None of those things make me wish him ill or celebrate the dissolution of his marriage. I completely disagree with the majority of the philosophies he vocally endorses, but I completely respect his right to believe them. They don't match mine, but I'd hate to be forced to match his. I also strongly believe that no marriage is ever perfect, and that we never know what happens in a marriage that is not our own. Marriage is a private relationship and complex and there are always three sides - his, hers and the truth.
Was I surprised that the marriage failed? Not much. Do I think it's all his fault simply because I don't agree with most of what he says? Not at all. Do I have any idea who is the better parent, who did what to whom or who is the "victim"? Nope. And does any of this affect my life in any small degree? Not at all. This is a public couple, and an especially vocal man when it comes to his beliefs, but that doesn't mean that every detail of their life should be public, and it doesn't mean that I can't respect his right to believe what he likes and that he isn't entitled to some privacy and discretion.
The second event occurred this morning as I read my usual morning blogs and columns. I came across one written by comedian Kathy Griffin. I admire her. Being a comedian is not an easy undertaking for a female. She picks on celebrities and made a funny series about her "Life on the D List". She has the guts to say what's on her mind, a trait which I've wished I had more of at times. She is good friends with the adorable (in more ways than one), Anderson Cooper. Mr. Cooper came "out" yesterday about his homosexuality - which was really no surprise to anyone who knows anything about him.
In Ms. Griffin's article, she tells of a conversation she had with Anderson that went like this: "Anderson, I’ve been getting asked as much about your sexuality as I have about my own show!” He said: “Kathy, I don’t get asked as much about my sexuality as you get asked about my sexuality. But here’s my standard party line: ‘I want to report the news. I don’t want to be the news.’”
Anderson is a respected journalist. He's been, literally, in the line of fire in war zones and more importantly, a compassionate and passionate human being. Yet, his sexual orientation is of more importance than his list of accomplishments. This bugs me, to put it mildly.
Anderson stated: “I’ve begun to consider whether the unintended outcomes of maintaining my privacy outweigh personal and professional principle. It’s become clear to me that by remaining silent on certain aspects of my personal life for so long, I have given some the mistaken impression that I am trying to hide something—something that makes me uncomfortable, ashamed, or even afraid. This is distressing because it is simply not true.”
This statement broke my heart. It doesn't matter where I stand on the issue of gay rights and related matters - and as stated earlier, you already know the answers to this if you know anything about me. But for a professional, accomplished man who has led a respectful and admirable life to have to reveal such personal information for the sake of keeping it from overshadowing everything he has done in his life is - to me - heartbreaking.
When Bill Clinton came clean about his deceptiveness and lies, I was a young woman who still viewed the highest office in the country as one of dignity. The President was to be respected because he was the President. I believed more fervently that I could change the world, and that the President could, too. Then Bill Clinton addressed the nation, the voting scandal of Bush Vs. Gore happened, and I became all too quickly disillusioned. I've since reflected on other Presidents who have had less than clean personal circumstances but accomplished marvelous change in their professional roles. I'm still fuzzy on the line between personal and public when it comes to our most important public figures, but ultimately I am learning to be a little less black and white about the whole situation.
In my perfect world, the leader of the country would act with complete decorum, dignity, and discretion and thus be revered and respected by all, even if he is not agreed with on the "issues". Role models of any kind - sports, political, television, etc - would lead their lives in a manner as such that I would be proud to tell my own children about them. The reality is, human nature is flawed and more in some than others.
I am by no means remotely perfect, and I would hate to think that my every imperfection would be magnified for the world to see via today's outlets. At the same time, I believe that public figures must lead somewhat public lives. I remind myself to be forgiving, because I want forgiveness, too. But I also remind myself that there is a point where forgiving - and mostly forgetting - too many times can result in being trampled all over.
At the end of the day, it makes no difference on my life what Tom Cruise or Anderson Cooper does in his life. Can Tom Cruise be - in my opinion - unlikable and distasteful but still a good actor? Yes. Can Anderson Cooper be gay and still a good journalist and humanitarian? Of course.
At a time in my own life when I am working so hard to get past the judgements that I think other people are making about me, and change how I feel about my self, how can I sit in judgement of others who are doing the same? It's none of my business how the custody battle over Tom Cruise's child goes, and it's none of my business who Anderson Cooper goes home with at night. Neither of those has any bearing on the way I will live my life tomorrow.
At the end of the day, I get to choose how I live my life and whether I can live with myself for how I live my life. The outrage in the media lately over lifestyle choices - may they be religious, sexual, or even about whether and when to breast feed a child - only serve to make me consider whether I am living in accordance with my own beliefs and values.
I believe there is a lot to be said for "live and let live". If I am appalled by breast feeding in public, I can avert my eyes. If I am appalled by PETA, I can go home and eat a steak. Moms can still breast feed when and where they need to. PETA can protest and campaign. And I can continue to live my life in accordance with the people and values I believe in.
I am disheartened by the lack of respect I see in general in the world. Cameras and voice recordings have made it so easy to "out" people in all sorts of beliefs and actions. I am not defending poor behavior, only saying that I have not always acted completely in line with my own beliefs. We all make mistakes and we all need room to grow. I would like to see a world where privacy becomes respected and appreciated again, where discretion is utilized in saying or doing things that are going to affect others, and that we all learn to have a little more tolerance for the rights of others to truly express their individuality in whatever way they choose.
AMEN!!! Will we ever see this?? As much as I love the internet and what it provides us - from education, to entertainment, to networking with lost friends, I also have a huge hate for it as well.
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