Yesterday I saw my psychiatrist. She is adding Abilify to my daily cocktail of meds. This means that I am now taking six medications and thirteen pills daily, plus multivitamins required after gastric bypass. I have been a little moody over the addition of another medication to my daily regimen, though I know that she intends to go down on other medications as the Abilify goes up.
Tonight I was reading The Simple Abundance Companion, and it speaks of gratitude journals. It specifically challenges readers to identify blessings in disguise - those aspects of life that are fear-provoking or irritating, but which really have an underlying blessing.
My meds fall into this category. I abhor swallowing those pills everyday. Some days ever fiber of my being fights it. Admittedly, there are days when I opt not to take them. Sometimes I go as long as possible before nausea and shakiness begin reminding me that I depend on these medications. I haven't quite ascertained what it is, exactly, that so offends me.
I had to look at my meds in this light of disguised blessings. Without them, I likely wouldn't be alive, and if I were, my life would be a mess of mood swings, depression, anxiety and countless related problems. These meds make quality life possible for me. They may not be something I look forward to or even want as a part of my life, but without them, the ability to truly live my life would be impossible.
So tonight I'm trying to find room in my heart to be grateful for those aspects of life that are "for my own good." Sometimes thinking like a grown up is hard work.
***UPDATE***
As fate would have it, five hours after I posted this I ended up in the ER for severe pain in my sternum and back. Turns out I have an ulcer on my new stomach pouch. That brings the med total to 15 pills a day plus supplements. This is clearly a reminder to be grateful for what is, because it can always, always get worse!
No comments:
Post a Comment