How to Add Pizazz on a Budget...

My bedroom needs some pizazz.  (Get your mind out of the gutter - I mean the decor needs pizazz.) 

Kyle and I have had our bedroom in about four different rooms in this house, and ultimately, after the Great Basement Flood of September 2010, we moved our master bedroom back to its original location next to the master bath downstairs.  I have been quite happy with this decision because the bedroom had new carpeting, new paint, and the bathroom has new vinyl flooring and we each have our own vanity with two drawers apiece!  A vanity to myself is quite the luxury in my eyes, and short of having my own bathroom, its the next best thing.  We also have far more closet space in this bedroom than in any other room of the house.  What I love most is how bright this room is now with its Cascade White Behr paint and light carpet.   It previously had the horrendous dark blue carpet that the rest of our house is cursed with.  

I just have to find a few ways to make it a little more cozy and (sorry Kyle) feminine.  I'm thinking I want some kind of frilly/lacy comforter like this one from the Shabby Chic line at Target.  

I'm also loving these shams from the same line. 

 

Alas, we are currently on a mission to reduce our debt substantially, so new bedding isn't in the cards at the moment, but a girl can dream...

Our room needs a little splash of color.  I love love love lots of white and bright.  I have a photo wall on one side of the room, and I spray paint the frames to match in a chocolate brown color.  I'm thinking I need a little soft pink or lavender to add a bit of color but nothing too crazy. 

Any ideas? Especially ideas for an extremely tight budget? 

Movies That Make Me Think...

I have a hard time sitting and watching TV or movies without doing other activities at the same time.  One of my biggest complaints about television today and all of the "reality" series is that they don't require me to think much.  This is fine when I get home at the end of the day and have been wrangling 8 year olds, but the majority of the time, I like my mind to be provoked a little. 

I was delighted yesterday to watch two movies in a row that made me think.  I sat through both of them just snuggled up with Kyle.  No Internet, no cell phone, no journal, no magazine, no notebook - nothing else to distract me.  And I thoroughly enjoyed both!  

The first film we watched was The Shawshank Redemption.  This film came out in 1994, so I'm a little behind the times in seeing it, but Kyle had told me awhile back it was good, and it's been on sale at Target for $5.00.  However, it was finally on Starz! On Demand so we watched it.  I was expecting it to be dark - after all, it IS about prison life and it IS a Stephen King story, even though the usual sci-fi horror he writes is not a part of this story.  And some of it IS dark - the reality of prison life, but the underlying message throughout the entire film is one of hope.  I loved the fact that one of the main characters helped build a flourishing library.  I loved the fact that every horrible character in the film got what was coming to him.  I loved the ending.  I loved the cast.  Mostly, I loved the line, "Get busy living or get busy dying."  I have a tendency to forget to live.  Never made the connection that if I'm not getting busy living, I'm pretty much dying.  Good insight!  If you haven't seen this film - (and you probably have - I'm almost 2o years behind the times.  Of course, I would have been about 12 when this movie came out, and it probably wouldn't have had the same impact on me then) - it's definitely worth two hours of your time. 

The second film we watched was An Education.  Wasn't sure this would be any good, but knew it had been nominated for at least three Oscars last year.  It was wonderful!  It's a 1960s story about a 16 year old that meets an older man who introduces her to an exciting life of culture that she doesn't get at home with her stale parents.  She is quickly drawn up into the lifestyle and relationship, and even jeopardizes her dreams of attending college to read Literature at Oxford.  It is one of those stories where a woman must choose between love and marriage and her education, and where society - and even the parents who love her - push her to take the safe bet with the man who can provide for her and forget about her education.  Kyle really liked it too - in fact, it was still bothering him today.  I asked why "bothering" and he said it was a little sad.  I suppose it is, but mostly I thought it was a great look at the choices we must make and how it will impact our lives.  And I like the double meaning of "An Education".  She certainly receives an education about men, love, and life in general.  The movie also made me grateful that I live in a place and time where I can love literature, study it, have a degree in it, and still marry for love.  Studying literature at Oxford would be a dream come true!

 

An Open Letter to My Dear and Loving Husband...

Dear Baby~

I wanted to take a few lines to tell you how much my love grows for you daily and how grateful I am that you are my dearest.  I also wanted to apologize for the selfishness on my part over the past fourteen months.  I have been too focused inward and that manifested in misplaced priorities and neglectfulness of the very people who I need and cherish most - especially you.  By fearing much and trying to prevent against those things I somehow made them become a reality.  I'm glad that I've had some perspective as of late and had the opportunity to view our life together through other lenses.  

I know, with every fiber of my being, that you are the love of my life.   The love I have for you exceeds anything I could have imagined to be possible.  It is overwhelming and intense yet exhilerating.  I know that soul-mates exist, because I found mine five years ago.

I once thought I would spend my life alone, sure that I'd never be able to stand living with another person and certain it would take a Saint to put up with me and my quirkiness.  And then you arrived in my life and "I" became a "we".  Yet I didn't completely give of myself to "us".  I held back, guarded and self-protecting, waiting inevitably, for the other shoe to drop.  Deep down, I knew I was unlovable, so even though I was head-over-heals for you, I couldn't blame you that you might not stick around.  I even tried to scare you with terrible words like "depression", "hospitalized" and "suicide".  When that didn't work, I had nothing else to try, so I thought I surrendered and believed it would last.  But not completely.  That little voice deep down inside whispered "You'll end up alone.  He'll never stay.  Who could put up with you?  Who could love you?" 

And so I built walls around myself.  I used to use my weight as a wall.  It was sufficient at keeping people at bay and allowing me to feel "safe".  Or at least that was lie I told myself I believed.  Now I continue to build both emotional and even physical walls around me, but instead of pounds of flesh I use stacks of books, computers, notebooks and even the coffee table as a barrier.  Sitting on the couch together sometimes makes me feel a certain anxiety.  As much as I trust you and love you, I have been unable to give you 100% of myself and allow myself to be completely vulnerable.  It's hard to let anyone close.  

It's hard to even admit that.  It's even harder to admit it to you - for you are the most loving, tender person I have ever known.  I am shown your love and gentleness daily.  I jokingly call you my gentle giant, my own Shrek of sorts - but I truly adore the kindness you show me in so many ways.  The way you stroke my hair when I am upset, soothing me to sleep.  The way you always remember to kiss me before you leave each morning.  The way you lock the doors and make me fasten my seatbelt.  The way you are with Pip, and how a 2 pound chihuahua has 6 foot tall you wrapped around his little paw.  The way you found a way to get to Texas when I needed you. The way we talk for hours in the dark.  The way you make me laugh, know when the situation demands chocolate, and humor me no mater how many times I rearrange the furniture.  The way you love your family and take care of those around you.  The way you give me a hug when I am grumpy, frumpy and generally unlovable.  All of these serve to remind me of the ways you show me love.  I have yet to get to a place where I completely believe myself to be deserving of that love, but I'm working on it.  

Sometimes, in a relationship as multi-faceted as ours, we face painful situations or painful words.  It's difficult, but necessary.  Sometimes the truth hurts, but it's often what we need to hear the most.  Sometimes what you have to say to me is the very thing that will best how me grow and evolve - both as a wife and partner, and as a human being.  I love that you have the potential to make me be a better me.  

We've sometimes tried to play it "safe" and keep mum about situations that should have been voiced.  As a result, communication broke down and we ended up hurting each other in little ways anyways.  

I reflect on our 4 and a half years of marriage and don't know how it's possible to love you more all the time because I love you so much already, yet that love grows exponentially.  I'm glad I didn't spend 20 years of marriage not communicating with you.  It's so amazing when we do!  I'm so excited to see how our path together draws us closer yet allows both of us to forge ahead in our own search for self confidence and self worth.  I love that I get to make this complicated journey with you.  

My commitment to you as we start this new year together is to dismantle the emotional and physical walls that divide us.  We picked our words for 2011 - I want more peace and you picked hope.  I am already filled with a sense of both.  We have enjoyed four and a half years of an exceptional relationship, and I know that we are both "committed" to making our marriage, our professions, and our lives, as joyful and productive as possible.  


I love you dearly.

Always Your,
Petal

Words for 2011...

I wanted a post labeled 1/1/11 but since I got sidetracked watching Eat, Pray, Love with Kyle, it will now be a 1/2/11 post. 

Anyways, since reading Ali Edwards' One Little Word post, I have thinking about my word for 2011.  My word is "peace".  I need more of it in just about every aspect of my life.  I hemmed and hawed between "peace" and "tranquility", but in the end I believe one is not possible without the other.  I know I can't have peace without a little tranquility, and tranquility is not possible without peace.   Tomorrow I plan to pen in at least one action per month in my planner that can help me make my 2011 word a reality. 

I asked Kyle to share with me what his word would be if he were to choose one, and he told me "hope".  I like that one, too.


I am feeling very optimistic tonight that 2011 will be a year of fulfilled hopes and a much greater sense of peace in the Shook household.