NaNoWriMo and Me...

I first heard of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) about two years ago.  I'm participating this year for the first time.  I'm not writing a novel, but rather some personal essays or something more along the lines of memoir.  That's the great thing about NaNo - it doesn't matter what you write, they just want to encourage you to write something.  Get the words on the page.  

I decided to jump on the bandwagon this year for several reasons.  The past few months have been tremendously difficult for me.  The roller coaster ride of going off meds and now being back on them has left me less than motivated to do anything, let alone get creative.  I'm back on medications and slowly digging myself out of the hole I was in for August, September and October.  Part of that means getting back to doing the activities I love to do.

I've always loved to write, and though it is one of the first activities I set aside when I start to get depressed, it is also one of the most therapeutic for me as well.  Putting words on a page (or screen) has a healing component to it that few other remedies can compete with.  

But I grow extremely self-concious about my writing when times are tougher.  Words don't come as easily.  My mind feels muddy and sluggish and I'm not sure I'm saying what I mean.  I have to rely on the dictionary and thesaurus more.  Words that flow freely when I feel "normal" get dammed up when I'm depressed.  

I write on this blog about my life experiences, mostly to record them for myself, for Kyle and for anyone that knows me and cares.  But when I am depressed, I don't want to bog the world down with my own feelings, thus I withdraw from writing and sharing those darker times with others.  

I find, though, that the people that often offer me the most comfort in depression are those who have gone through it as well.  I hope that somewhere I am a little spark of hope for a fellow depression sufferer, and that my little blog is a way to reach out and touch the hand of someone in despair the way so many other people have reached out to me in my times of need.  

I have a lot to write about, but self-doubt and my inner gremlin (her name is Grizelda) convinces me that no one cares.  No one is interested in my little life.  So NaNoWriMo is a perfect challenge to myself to put down the words.  It doesn't mean anyone will read them.  It doesn't mean they will go out in the world at large.  It simply gives me permission to put it all down on paper.  Maybe I'll go back and look at it when it's all done and say, "There's something here.  I must do something with this."  Or maybe I'll look at it and think, "What a bunch of crud!  Good thing no one else saw this mess!"  

NaNoWriMo is simply an opportunity to write - something I already love to do - along with many other people who also love to write.  It brings together a community of writers to encourage one another and give that little extra push when it seems to daunting to do otherwise.  And maybe it will help silence Grizelda.

You can follow my word count on the sidebar of my blog - I'm almost to 7,000 and it's only the 2nd day!