I've been thinking about gratitude lately as the chill in the air and the leaves changing has brought about the spirit of Thanksgiving in me. I try to have a thankful mindset more often, and rather than focusing on where I'm missing the mark or where circumstances, events and objects aren't measuring up, I am instead focusing on being grateful for what is.
Last weekend I was in a crabby mood. It seemed that I cleaned up one mess only to turn around and find another. I had just swept and mopped when Dobby vomited on the spotless floor. I made a change to the house that was visually appealing but I could only focus on the unsightly problems that remain untouched due to time and budget constraints. I grumbled to myself about Kyle's shoes in the middle of the floor and his empty pop cans left on the coffee table. Nothing could or would please me, and I was set on being irritable.
Later, when clarity returned, I realized how ungrateful I was in my thinking. I was being ridiculous. I have a lovely home. It's warm in winter, has cooling in summer; it's cozy and secure. We've made a lot of changes over the years to make it ours. It's the best place I've lived in my life, so why would I complain about its minor shortcomings? And my pets. They provide me so much comfort without fail. They ask only to be fed, petted and let outside a few times a day. Aside from that, they only want to please me. Then there's this Kyle guy. I hit the husband jackpot when I met and married him. He's sweet, funny, generous, kind-hearted and, like the pups, requires minimal care and feeding to remain content. He wants the best for me, works hard for our little family, and has tolerance and patience that seems unending. So why would I complain about a few shoes and soda cans?
In this same time frame I read a book that talked about reframing the tasks we think we have to do into tasks we get to do. This transitions our attitude from one of grumbling to one of gratefulness.
Not I have to clean up after these dogs! but I get to clean up after these dogs that I am fortunate to have.
Not I have to clean up this messy house! but I get to clean up and maintain this home that I am fortunate to have.
Not I have to clean up after this husband! but I get to clean up and take care of this man that I am fortunate to have.
I could think of a million more...
I get to go to the gym because I am healthy enough to be able to cultivate better health.
I get to go to the grocery store because I am physically able to do so.
I get to do the laundry because I'm fortunate enough to have clothing to wear, a washing machine, clean water and soap.
I get to pay the mortgage because I'm fortunate enough to have a home and an income that provides a home for me.
I get to go to the dentist because I'm fortunate enough to have teeth and dental care that will restore and maintain my oral health.
I am sure you're getting the picture. It's a big mind shift! I mean, saying I GET to go the the gym? Sometimes I'd almost rather go to the dentist! But in all seriousness, this exercise made me think about how much I view the activities in my life as chores, burdens and duties rather than privileges.
Not everyone has access to a grocery store. Not everyone has multiple sets of clothes to wear. Not everyone has access to water clean enough to drink, let alone do laundry with. Not everyone can own or even rent their own house. Not everyone has access to health care. These are privileges.
Privilege: the principle or condition of enjoying special rights. Special rights. And just because something is a privilege doesn't mean it doesn't come with a price or a cost of some type. Driving is a privilege and requires a license which costs money and of course requires access to a car, but most of us give little thought to those requirements because the benefit of driving is so great. (Especially for those of us in areas like Wyoming where public transportation is limited!).
Every special right or enjoyment we have comes at a certain cost. It is up to us whether we will dwell on the drawbacks or the benefits of those costs. It's easy to get overwhelmed by the small details in our lives - picking up after others, running errands when we're exhausted, maintaining a home, a job or something even more consuming. In the grand scheme of life, though, those small irritations are just that - small - and they don't have enough weight to take away from the overall greatness of the privilege they provide. Most of the time the care we are required to provide for our families are worth it because we are so fulfilled by our families. Running a household pays off because we love having our own home that we can call our own and proudly maintain. In a cost/benefit analysis, the benefits far outweigh the costs, and sometimes make the costs seem so insignificant we might wonder why we even complained about it in the first place!
I hope I can keep some of this in perspective as I experience this shift in seasons. This is a particularly challenging time of year for me, so I will purposely be reminding myself that I get to instead of focusing on what I have to. It becomes really easy, too easy, to complain and grumble. I'll consider it my October challenge to come from a place of privilege rather than a place of obligation or burden. My bank account balance may not reflect it, but I'm a seriously wealthy individual.
How do you maintain an attitude of gratitude, especially in the darker, more challenging times?
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