It's National Suicide Prevention Week through September 15th. Few of us are fortunate enough not to have been impacted in some way by suicide. Almost all of us know someone who committed suicide, attempted suicide or has had thoughts of suicide and some of us have survived suicide attempts.
I really wanted to write something recognizing Suicide Prevention Week, but I've started and then erased over half a dozen posts. I could reference loads of statistics about suicide and how to spot it, but that information is widely available online at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention or many other sites dedicated to suicide prevention. And twice before I've written difficult posts about my own experiences with suicide:
But I'm revisiting the topic again today because I think "suicide" is a word that intimidates people and pushes people away. To save lives, "suicide" needs to become a word that causes people to act rather than make them want to avoid a difficult situation. And while I feel like a hypocrite writing about how to prevent suicide when I have been tempted by it myself, I also think who better to bring the topic to the surface than someone who has first-hand experience with it?
My advice today in honor of Suicide Prevention Week, is not to think that you know what suicide is or what it looks like. It's not the statistics. It's not crazy, mentally ill people who were so far gone or so far out there that no one could have helped. The face of suicide can be and IS anyone. No one is immune to suicide, and any person you know could be facing the challenge of preventing suicide - their own. And if you think someone could be at risk of suicide, reach out to him or her in any way you can.
It could be your sister. It could be the college student you sit next to in church. It could be the middle aged man who delivers your mail. It could be the highly successful CEO of your company. It could be your spouse, your child, your parent. There is no "typical" face of suicide.
If someone you know is exhibiting those symptoms of depression and suicidal ideation that are unmistakable, don't talk yourself out of confronting him or her just because s/he doesn't seem like the "type" of person who would hurt themselves. If he or she is isolating, that's an even bigger signal.
The single thing that has kept me alive when I've felt suicidal, is the tremendous obligation I have felt not to let others down. Be it my parents, my husband or even a doctor or therapist, - anyone who has helped me in my life - I feel a sense of obligation to be the person they believe me to be. I would not be here today if it were not for that sense of duty not to let down those people who have invested their time, love and devotion in me.
In the depth of my depressions and in the darkness when suicide has seemed inviting, the weight of the obligation to any and all of those people has filled me with resentment. I have been angry with them for keeping me "trapped". But in the clarity that comes later when the depression lifts and the suicidal voice is muted, I am incredibly grateful for those connections to people because they are all that got me through and kept me alive when I needed a reason.
The reason, for me, had to be external to myself. I would not have seen enough worth within myself for me to make the decision to save my life for the sake of my self being worthwhile and important. But I could do it for someone else. I could do it to keep someone else from hurting.
So maybe if you recognize that someone is in the type of pain that could cause her to take her own life, all you have to do is let her know how important she is to you. And don't just tell her once. Tell her every day. Show her how she influences your life. Don't let her withdraw. Invite her over for lunch or just to run errands with you. Don't make the mistake in thinking that she usually has it all together and just isn't the type of person who would kill herself.
You have nothing to lose by investing time and energy into letting someone know he is loved and matters. Whether it is a friend, a family member or the mailman, your efforts will improve their his and maybe even save it.
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