And Then There Were Four...Again

Our completed family.

My blog that I posted yesterday disappeared after this site had some issues yesterday, so I will do my best to recap.  Two weeks ago we added another chihuahua to our family.  There are four of us now, and I have to admit, I'm significantly overwhelmed by the new responsibility.  Don't get me wrong, it is a great deal of enjoyment watching the two of them wrestle and play tug-of-war with a string cheese wrapper.  It's good to know that they have companionship when Kyle and I are both out of the house at the same time.  But I'm a bit surprised by how much I am struggling to adjust to our new normal. 

I suppose I feel a little grief over the loss of what was relatively peaceful for me.  Dobby is much more active than Pip was as a puppy, and he barks far more often and more shrilly than Pip ever has.  He growls and barks at me when I fail to make eye contact or if I haven't paid him enough attention.  He harasses Pip until Pip finally retires to the living room and climbs up on the back of the couch where he is out of reach of Dobby - at least for now.  Unlike Pip, Dobby gets into everything, chews on everything, and then there's the whole issue of potty training - something that I've not quite accomplished with Pip but am now trying with both of them.  

I miss it just being Pip and me.  I miss having Pip sleep on my hip all night, providing a tiny bit of warmth and feeling his heartbeat in a soothing pattern.  If I try to hug and cuddle Pip, Dobby is barking and nipping at me wanting to be held.  If I hold Dobby then Pip feels left out.  I'm sure it's much like the addition of a second child to a family.  I already have Mother's guilt!  (I'm thinking more and more of the beauties of having an only child).  I can't be everything to everyone.  Part of it is my perfectionist nature, and I have to continually remind myself that my best is good enough.  Oh, how I wish I could learn that in my core. 


I'm sure it will just take time, as any significant change in our lives does.  And all change brings a bit of grief with it, even if it doesn't seem like that big of deal.  I'm learning to just feel the feelings. Yeah, it's uncomfortable, and yes, I sure don't like feeling the heaviness in my heart, but it's natural.  For now, I'll focus on the positive aspects and try to acknowledge but move past the difficulties.

And Then There Were Four...

Our complete family.

It's been too long since I last wrote on my blog, but life has been a little busier lately and I have had a little less motivation than usual.  The combination of the two makes it almost impossible for me to accomplish anything right now. 

I'm having a hard time getting used to being the mother of an additional baby chihuahua.  Pip was a tranquil puppy.  He rarely chewed on anything, never barked unless the doorbell rang, and was relatively easy to keep happy.  Dobby, however, is 100% puppy.   He chews on everything, barks if I won't give him eye contact, barks if I don't pick him up when he decides it is time, and continuously pounces on Pip growling the whole while.  

When Kyle suggested we get Pip a friend, I was all for the idea of Pip having a playmate.  A part of me resisted, though.  Pip was my baby - my first born.  How would I love another puppy the way I love him?  Of course, it's like having a second child after doting on the first child for so long.  I wanted Pip to be more active and have someone to keep him company when we are gone, so we got Dobby. 

Dobby is precious.  He sleeps like a rock.  His tail never stops.  His droopy eyes are adorable.  He's fitting right into the family.  I am still struggling, though.  I feel like I can't give them the attention they both need.  I miss the quiet, snuggly times with Pip because Dobby is always busting in on our quiet time.  I miss sleeping with Pip and feeling his warm body curled up on my hip and his little heart beat lulling me to sleep.  I miss the ease of life with one dog.  I wouldn't have imagined I would have this reaction to this addition to our household, but I'm honestly a bit overwhelmed with my obligation to both animals.

At the end of the day, though, when they are playing and wrestling and running in circles, it's contentment that I feel.  I have to let go of the perfectionist in me that keeps telling me I am not good enough, I am not doing enough.  It's a very eye-opening experience and makes me consider whether biological children of the human kind will be possible for me.  We may have just an only child....