I used to think that some feelings were "bad". Anger was one of them. I didn't think that it was okay to get angry, and I thought I wasn't supposed to be angry, every. Now I believe that feelings aren't bad at all, it's simply what one does with them.
Yesterday, when journaling, I realized how much anger was bubbling up inside me lately. An older version of me would have deemed it "wrong" to be angry, and I would have felt that I needed to get rid of that anger immediately, or at least found a way to hide it and keep it a secret. An older version of me would never have admitted to being angry, let alone blogged about it.
I try to be a positive person and look for the best in everything, but my blog is entitled "The Way I Am", and sometimes, I am angry. Once I realized that I was angry yesterday, I started journaling about the why. It wasn't hard to figure out. I feel angry that I don't feel like myself lately. I'm angry that I am no longer permitted to drive, indefinitely. I'm angry that I feel that I have lost my independence. I'm angry that ECT has helped my depression tremendously, but comes with disadvantages, too. I'm angry that my memory has been dramatically changed. I'm angry that most of the issues that I'm angry about are beyond my control.
I'm a bit of a control-freak and a perfectionist. A lot of life is beyond my control. A lot of my current life is certainly not perfect. It's easy to understand why I might feel a little angry right now. Now I just have to figure out what to do with it.
I've downloaded a meditation application to my phone that I'm going to try later today. I've continued to do some journaling. I saw my therapist yesterday. I've talked about some of this with Kyle. I have my little Pip and Dobby in my lap who provide me tremendous comfort. I'm trying to stay away from the package of cookies in the cupboard. What positive ways do you find to cope with anger?
